Soup soup and more soup – let the sickness continue

All i have been eating this past week is soup, about two cans a day. I came down with the flu, my eyes burned so bad i could barely keep them open, which meant sleeping all day for this girl, I never used to get backaches when i had the flu, but this time was different. I started out with my back getting constantly more and more sore throughout the day, to the point where no matter what i did, the pain was only getting worse. Then came the fever, and a bad one, along with sinus problems, a slight on and off cough, a wicked headache, and i mean wicked, and a loss of balance and strength. Easily one of my worst sicknesses yet, that i remember. 

My boyfriend, being so awesome, took a quick lunch to bring me allergy pills (he can’t really take lunches, works on the clock) and some other cold and sinus pills. Allergies? I don’t even have allergies. But hey, the pharmacist knows what he’s talkin’ about, and my boyfriend grew up with a nurse for a mother, so i trusted them. Took both pills, viola! Backache – gone, headache – not quite gone, eyes, burned less, sinus issues – better. My fever felt like it was never going down, i had about three different towels with ice, one on my head, and 2 under my back. I guess when my headache finally left, i felt like i was burning right up, not in my head this time, but everywhere! I figure my pain was so bad i never really noticed how warm i was. 

After sleeping on and off for two days straight, never getting a full nights sleep, my dreams were extremely odd.. You know how you can be in one room, then when you walk into a different room the scene completely changes. My dreams were sort of like that, but 10x worse, it was constant changes right before my eyes, and every second something was changing. Then there were all these flashing lights i kept dreaming of that kept me awake. Must be my kind of thing to dream when i am sick with the flu. When i was younger i used to see the same sort of lights flashing that always kept me awake. Anyone else get weird things happen when they’re sick?

This week in school was exam week, and i missed everything, i only had one exam, but boo, i was sick. It was an easy class, Seminar in Business. I hope to start my own business someday 🙂 As of right now, i took both my pills, had a cool shower, put my contacts in since my eyes don’t hurt anymore, and put a little mascara on to help me feel more myself. Nice fresh comfortable clothes, instead of whatever rags i had on before, and some juice and tomato soup with added basil – yum! It is more of a head cold feeling than a fever and body aches. Hopefully no more fever, though i am most definitely not a fan of colds; sickness for that matter. I can do without, i get very upset easily when i’m sick, and i hate being alone, such a big baby, yep. 

What do you guys suggest is best for a head cold? So i can feel better, who knows how much longer this will last. I will probably make more soup and add lots of garlic. My grandma’s cure for any sickness, garlic. Lots of garlic. She told me she eats garlic sandwich’s when she is sick sometimes. Ick, but my grandma always knows the best food cures for anything.

So any helpful suggestions will be muchly  appreciated. I missed my friends baby shower, my hair appointment and an exam because i was sick, i would love to not miss anything else!

Thank you in advance 🙂

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A little relaxation to start the day

Every once in awhile, usually when i feel i need it, i meditate. Before bed, in the morning, in the shower or bath, somewhere i find relaxing, to add to the meditation. I don’t know all the exact types, but what i find helps me feel more relaxed is the binaural (correct me if i spelt that wrong..) guided ones. I tend to have always lacked motivation, i procrastinate, a lot, but when it came to deciding how, when, where, and why i was even going to start meditation, i was quick to think -quick to research. I had to have this knowledge, if something so simple as laying down and focusing on yourself could change your life dramatically, well hey, i was up for it!

I find Meditation is quite like exercise, you cannot expect results after the first time. You benefit, yes, but you will not notice it. I’ve always been a girl who loves to relax, i have high anxiety so any sort of time to myself i try take it. What better way to get that and help with my stressful life, my grumpy attitude and my lack of motivation then to just simply, relax, have some serious me time.

Now, I really do love Chakra Meditations, mainly because when you work on a certain one, you can feel the sensation so well, it’s almost too easy. A chakra meditation with the binaural beats just adds to the experience, and i feel i have benefited from that the most.

Today, i woke up fairly early for a Saturday, Jace had to go to work, so i was up for a good hour. Therefore, a good amount of time before i could fall back asleep, and meditate before doing so. I don’t usually meditate everyday, like i say, lack of motivation, so i do it when i feel i need a little grounding, a little me time to process. So i listened to a new guided meditation i recently came across, the one with the binaural beats, and oh was it amazing! I love it! I had fallen asleep before it ended, but not too much before as i remember i had made it through them all and such. I awoke an hour after falling asleep, i woke feeling a bit stressed from my dream i had though.

I dream of my anxieties, my fears – stress points in my life. It is like the exact things i fear the most,  the things i am too afraid to really even talk about, those scenarios play out perfectly in my busy rested mind. As i said, to process, i have read many people get lucid dreams or more vivid dreams when the wake for short periods and go back to sleep, especially in the mornings.

So waking up feeling a bit stressed, i was almost worried about how my day was going to go because i had this stressed anxious feeling in my stomach. As i laid there, feeling refreshed and awake, not really tired, just anxious, i calmed down and glanced around my room, looking back at what i dreamt, why i dreamt it, and how perfectly it played out. I have also read other’s experiences of getting bad dreams when starting out in meditation. I must add I’ve only been in the on and off (mostly on) routine of meditation for about a year now. Why haven’t i felt this much better when i first started out? Who knows, i was doing it wrong, not enough? There could be many reasons, but it’s best not to even worry. It has, and always was working, at it’s pace, and the proper pace for myself. Now i feel and can notice the huge change in my mood, and attitude. A little of the old self slips out here and there, that’s when it is time to take deep breaths and just let most of these issues go. I woke up feeling so powerful, ready to take on the day! Superwoman is what i thought. I gave my day no thought, i went with things as they needed to be, today worked out, not as i planned, but just how it was played out. The things i planned, baking, writing this almost right after i got out of bed, actually. I’m about to head to bed, maybe watch another movie or two..

I would love to hear from anyone of their experiences they went through, or are going through, or even hope to go through, when it comes to meditation! Hopefully if i turn my “when i feel i need it” routine, into a more steady one, the motivation to get up and exercise will happen! Bad dreams, spirits, let me know! I love hearing and learning of all the possible things that can occur.

Cheers!

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Untouched

Not much to say, hopefully i’ll be getting some more new photo’s up! Enjoy 🙂

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A hint of humor

I came across this online not too long ago, i feel it fits my Jace perfectly. Do these sound like a certain someone you know…? 🙂 Image

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Responsibility – help

Here’s the deal, we have an exam that we have been writing literally all week. For day 1, we were writing for 3 hours, reading short stories and answering a 10 mark question about said stories. Day 2, we started a rough draft of what we were to write, about responsibility, we are allowed to write anyway we want, be a column, short story, speech, poem (which is not recommended) and pretty well any writing style you want. I choose to do the blog option, as i was writing to you all, like i am now 🙂 As for today, we had to edit our rough draft, and it was optional if we were to start the good draft. I have two pages and the beginning of a third. I included a quote, i believe i added the information i needed so far, to sum it up.. I wrote how we all have responsibilities as individuals, whether they be the same as the next person, fewer or greater then the next person, but were we missing a bigger picture..? 

Earlier in the exam, during the short stories, there were 2 poems, one was about this man and how he lived and how beautiful the water was and how pure the air had been, how his father passed his knowledge of the land to him, and the man to his children. Near to the end, he adds how the animals are not so abundant… what happens when the last bear skin is taken, he says, when the head of the last animal is mounted? “Take care,” was the last words that spoke to me. Take care of the animals? Take care of the Earth? The land that once was, and now is cities towns and villages? Both poems were to do with Responsibility so that gave me the idea for my written piece. I wrote the responsibilities we have at different stages in life, then asked the question of missing the bigger picture. I quoted about how accepting one’s responsibilities, is how self respect springs up, and maybe we humans as a whole have a huge responsibility in helping the world stay this amazing place to live. How it’s all of our responsibility to help this world keep it’s shape…

My question..I would like to add a little more onto this exam paper, i feel it just isn’t quite finished. So, after writing about teens, adults, children, and us as a whole, what else do you think i could add to add that cherry to the top of the cake? Any idea’s will be greatly appreciated, we are allowed to discuss this paper, so i’m not trying to cheat and use someones full on idea. I need enough to spark my thoughts up a bit. They are there, it’s only the words will not come to mind. 

Cheers! And thanks in advance for anyone who comments. 

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Let go of the past – you’re in for a better now

“She’s got alotta things on her mind, she’s feeling stressed and left behind. Don’t know which way to turn, they watch her crash and watch her burn. When she talks they do not hear, inside of her she hides all her fears, she wants to be somebody new.. yet she doesn’t, she doesn’t know who.. She’s the one you’ll never know, she’s the side of me that i do not show, she’s the one you’ll never see, she’s the secret side of me..”

Now i wrote this when  was in grade 6 believe it or not, yes a 12 year old is capable of some forms of creative writing. I used to love writing, i still do, just never know what to write, which brings me to this blog, a way of my self expression. So i share with you today, this.. song… poem.. when i was younger i felt it should be part of a song. Now, it’s more like how i felt with some rhyming words. Hey, i was 12.  

Every now and then i get the last few lines stuck in my head, i guess i sort of had a tune with it, because it remains with me to this day still, perfectly. I had a troubled childhood, mostly dealing with depression at a young age, i felt, at that age, i wasn’t myself. For some reason, i felt i wasn’t who i was supposed to be, this was after i had a falling out with my 4 best friends, and when your that age, your friend’s mean everything to you. So let’s just say i was depressed and alone at school, and i got picked on because of it. Nothing a 12 year old should have to deal with. So the whole phase lasted about a year, it then dragged on into grade 7. My friends and i seemed fine, happy as ever, until i started getting into that same depressed feeling again. When i say “when she talks they do not hear, inside of her she hides all her fears,” it means my friends and even family, and i still have this issue to this day as well, that no one listens when i speak, i’m always the one saying “I told you so.” And because of my grade 6 traumatic experience, i hid my fears inside, i was afraid to speak to anyone because of the ridicule i would receive. The “watch her crash and watch her burn,” has to do with my depression itself, during so, my friends “apparently” were upset for me, and wanted to help, yet they showed nothing for it. Which made me feel worse then ever. I have always been on the shy side, so when i say “she wants to be somebody new, yet she doesn’t, she doesn’t know who,” i mean that literally, there was a side of me that i felt only i knew that side, maybe my family did too, but not my friends, and not anyone at school or anywhere in public knew who i really was. I wanted to prove to people i wasn’t that shy girl, that i could be talkative, that i wasn’t an awkward person..

Looking back at myself, and comparing me then to me now, i’d say not too terrible much as changed. I still am shy, but in a more mature way about it, i can get depressed fairly easily, but i’m more mature about it. The only thing new about it, is i finally feel like i’m who i really should be. I feel myself, and never have i felt myself before. Maybe it’s a part of growing up, the boyfriend, the living on your own. All those play a part in how i am. 

I believe everything drastically different about my life, brings out a new side of Sam. My boyfriend, brings out the more laid back me, i’m so used to rushing, he is not, he slows me down, having that responsibility of owning your own house, and the bills and groceries, are tough yes, but well worth the life i have.  

I have no real reason for writing this other then to help deal with my past issues. I know when you deal with a past issue that effects your lifestyle today, deal with it, no matter how ugly it may be, coming to terms with something you’re so used to blocking out may be the best thing for your mind. As a person with high anxiety, and a natural case of the blues, dealing with my past has made me that much happier, and that much thankful for what i have today. And when today becomes my past, i can look back to this period in my life as a huge stepping stone, a complete 360, a transition stage, and i am enjoying every minute of it, even the bad. 

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Here and there – everywhere

Nature is everywhere! I love it, i love the outdoors, as i probably have mentioned multiple times before. I’m going to share with you a few of my older photo’s from about grade 8 or 9. 

This first photo was in my friend’s car, he was and still is one of my best guy friends, so during one summer we were cruising around, like everyone does around here, it’s pretty well a big thing, there’s not much else to do besides cruise around blaring music with your friends. Which is fairly fun 🙂  I love these flowers so much! The photo was taken on my old Motorola phone, pretty decent quality i think for a phone.. 

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This next here is self explanatory; a web. This was at my parent’s house while i still lived at home. When i lived there i had nothing much else to do except go outside for a walk, or a quad ride, or walk around the beach, with a camera of course, i loved it there and i still do. Our neighbors are all cabins, my house used to be included with them, but my dad won the house, and turned it into a bigger home for his family 🙂 This web was outside my bedroom on one of our decks. Taken with my parent’s old school camera. Not even sure what type it was..

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Again here, another web, this one looks more “normal.”

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And for now, a tree, right by the beach in my neighbors yard, good thing they weren’t home! Even if they were i’m sure he wouldn’t have minded 🙂Image

I hope you enjoy my older photo’s, i know they’re nothing special, but to me they are. Cheers! 🙂

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If only..

If only i could go back, to a time where everything was once perfect. The womb perhaps? I don’t think even being a young child it was all that perfect. I have yet to discover a perfect life, though i’m sure that will never happen. There’s no such thing… or is there? Because things may go wrong in life, life is not perfect, or is it? Life is everything you make it, you expect bad things to continue to happen, they will, it’s the laws of attraction. Does that mean if i expect to win the lottery i will? Maybe, that’s not what they mean when they say you get what you ask for. You do, and you don’t,, but would winning the lottery make your life perfect? Getting everything you could possibly imagine isn’t perfection, nor will it make your life perfect. 

We always have and always will have ups and downs in life, just because we have a rough day, does not make it a horrible life. I do believe that you can be on the right track for your own life, and you can stray from that path, but maybe it’s still the right path, an obstacle in the way, a challenge in life to make you stronger, to help you. I believe everything happens for a reason, and your life should be perfect no matter what.  Until you pay off your debt,  until you get married,  until you have children, until you get a bigger house, a new car, yes those things add to your life, and add happiness to your life, but you will always be chasing happiness when you think like that. Be happy now, not until something happens. You need to take control of your life and be happy with what you have now, and appreciate what you get as each day goes by.

Your life is perfect for you, not anybody else, so stop worrying about other people and think of yourself (to an extent, no need to be selfish..) Your life is perfect for you, everything that happens is for some reason that is meant for you. Whether it be bad or good, be thankful for the good, and learn from the bad.

I write this because i feel like ever since i realized to not worry about the future, and accept my past, and to live for today, not for any other day. If you have something in the future that makes you nervous, worry about it when the time comes to worry, if you don’t have to deal with a nerve-racking situation for a month, worry about it in a month, not before, you add unnecessary stress. I am not happy with the town i live in, the people are rude, and disgusting, not all, but there are quite a bit of people who just bring everyone else down.. But, i have a home with my boyfriend here, my family is here, and they are the reasons i stay, my boyfriend keeps me grounded, my family keeps me sane, my pets have unconditional love for me and my family. What’s not to be happy about? This terrible town i can choose to not deal with, and focus on my family, myself, my home and my relationship; my hobbies, and even this blog. 

There’s too much in life that we should be thankful, grateful, and happy for, why waste time and energy on the things that make us feel down. Life is perfect, you just have to open your eyes and your heart.

Cheers everyone! 

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Life is good; Life is great;

Isn’t it though? I cannot stress how much i am enjoying life! But holy man, have i been off the computer for awhile! Like i said in a previous post i have been so busy, and there was no way in hell i could have gotten the time to write a post. I have been thinking about it. So i guess i’ll start off with Christmas! An absolutely wonderful holiday, first at my boyfriend’s parent’s home, they bought me a tripod, (yes i am behind on the gear, workin’ my way there!) Along with some new frying pans and roasters for our home, so sweet :’) Well not just that, there were other things, a throw (so freakin’ comfy, ahh!) a chocolate orange, my favorite. And a few little things for me and my boyfriend together.

He had his whole family there, and they are Ukrainian, for all you Ukrainian’s out there, i am sure you know how dinners go! 😉 And for those who don’t.. let’s just say, you won’t be able to breath, walk, and possibly talk. There is so. much. food. And i mean like beyond enough. Then desert comes out about 10 minutes after dinner, you can’t even look at food. But, besides getting super fat over the holidays, the food is amazing, and the people are the best!

After 3 days at his parent’s, we make our way home just to unpack and repack in about 10 minutes because my folks were picking us up to head to my Amma and Afi’s house. The Icelandic side! So, the food amount is pretty well the same, but at Amma and Afi’s somehow we started this tradition that we eat KFC for supper. Hey, i am not complaining, popcorn chicken, french fries, coleslaw, gravy, more french fries, buns, and i can’t forget the buckets of chicken! I’m drooling just thinking about it!

I got everything i wanted this holiday, slippers, a new book, a head massager. And i’m going to tell you all that i highly suggest getting one, they are amazing! Better if someone does it to you though.. Money, and a new dress my parent’s brought me back from mexico. Customized M&M’s my new aunt brought from BC.Image

Ah, i love family, they gave my boyfriend 4 hot sauces from Mexico as well, and we all got a bunch of other little things. I was sure thankful for everything i got. I even got a puzzle, i forgot to mention. I do enjoy puzzles 🙂 There is a little addition to my family as well, baby Jacob, he’s only about 10 months and i got to meet him for the first time, what a happy baby! This next photo is my brother, the oldest out of us cousins, and Jacob, the newest member. See how happy he is!

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Now this next photo is probably the most meaningful gift i have ever received. My Afi is a very crafty guy, he’s really into woodwork, and i mean seriously fancy woodwork, that will be another post, as well as stain glass creations, this box he made for every woman in the family at Christmas, including my brother’s girlfriend, it was her first Christmas with us, i thought it was very thoughtful of my Afi! Isn’t it gorgeous, and all of them were different, the bottom in the inside is a mirror, and that heart is some sort of crystal, i’m not too sure what kind, i forgot.. I’m so forgetful! But yes, this wasn’t expected from him, and he’s my favorite man in the world, besides my daddy of course! And Jace, i guess i have 3 very important men in my life! Image

Isn’t it gorgeous?! I love it. But enough about that Christmas, there’s one more to go! Grandma’s house, we packed up at Amma’s the next day after an amazing lunch, and headed back home. Grandma’s Christmas wasn’t until two days later, so my cousins could make it out. So for the next two days, Jace and I played his new video game, and digested the previous dinners getting ready to eat more at my Grandma’s. After two relaxing days Grandma’s it was! My oldest cousin on this side of the family is expecting a baby within the next month, so i met his girlfriend and her big baby bump! My Grandma is definitely excited! And holy shit, bring on the dinner, i think her dinner beat the last couple dinners, My Grandma sure can cook! And like i said earlier, desert did come out a little, probably a lot, too soon to want to eat. So, instead of the regular opening presents from everyone, we do a gift exchange, there’s unisex gifts, as well as male and female gifts. We each draw a number, (if we purchased something for the exchange) and then go in order to choose a present. Here’s the catch, the person who is number 2 (and so on) can either choose to pick a random gift, or steal someone else’s. It’s a mean game, i think, but it’s quite fun! Also, once you get a present stolen from you, that person gets to go choose another, just not the one they already had, you only get a present once!

I think it is safe to say me and Jace got what we wanted… and a little more! So first i grabbed this oil burner off my pregnant new cousin, my mom stole the oil burner set and lotions i had, Jace stole a skillet we both wanted from my soon to be dad cousin, my dad had a saw thing (he had bought that gift, apparently for himself!) So my mom took the oil burner from me, i took the skillet from Jace, Jace took the saw from my dad, my dad took the oil burner set from my mom, because i’m such a daddy’s girl he took it back for me, mom couldn’t take it back so she took a bottle of booze, i believe. Then, Jace and my dad traded just because they could. So Dad got what he wanted, his own gift, Jace got his skillet (even though i had it, we do live together!) And i got the oil burner. My brother got a whiskey BBQ set, which comes with a mickey of whiskey, i ended up with that, and some Tupperware from my aunt. I just raked in the goods that day!  I apologize for explaining so much. But i have a lot to say! I’ve needed to write on my blog for awhile! Image

The new oil burner, and my puzzle in progress. 

Now my boyfriend is back at work, i took my tree down last night, did a holiday clean up, and now i’m back into the usual routine, almost, school resumes in a few days! I hope you all had a great holiday, no matter how you celebrate, or maybe you do not, whatever the case i hope the new year brings you all plenty of joy! From my home to yours, happy new year and cheers!

 

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What did i miss?

Phew! I never knew i could get distracted away from the computer so easily. Strange, i used to be so addicted to the computer when i was little, i guess it was a phase, because now i rarely use it. Most of my things on my laptop is schoolwork and photo’s. Maybe it’s this whole new attitude i got nowadays. Tomorrow i will be off to my boyfriend’s parents house,  after that my grandparents, and then my grandma after that! It is going to be one hell of a holiday! 

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Here is the little bugger herself, sleeping under my tree. I’m happy to say that there are more presents under there and will be getting to give those gifts to whom they belong to, and enjoy Christmas! 

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